Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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