Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize