My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
