I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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