When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
