I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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