so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
