umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
