I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
