dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
