it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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