Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
