Where did you get a picture of my penis
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize