I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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