I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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