Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
