awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
