Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize