How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
