just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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