I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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