I queefed so loud it echoed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
