Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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