2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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