As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
