Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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