Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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