The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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