Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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