tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
