Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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