i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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