my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
