why do cheetos always look like penises
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
