That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
