I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
why is half of my head shaved?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
