so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
