Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
