Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
