hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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