Swine flu. Run for my life!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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