She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
