I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
