I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Mom said you looked used
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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