I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
