Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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