how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
