I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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