At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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