Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
