we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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