It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
