dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
