I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
