like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
