God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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