So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
