I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
