idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
