You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
