It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
