I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
