please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
