I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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